The second and third trimesters…

The good, the bad and the down fugly…

As a first time mumma this pregnancy malarkey has been a real eye opener for me! Sooooo many things that people just don’t tell you about. I’ve wanted to be pregnant forever and had visions of me swanning around looking all glowing and gorgeous in a bodycon dress showing off my perfect bump (God knows where that vision came from as my body is definitely NOT made for bodycon dresses… but a girl is entitled to her daydreams right?!). Turns out… pregnancy… not so fun after all 😂 I mean don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have swapped it for the world, I feel truly ble to have my little one, but these are the things I wish someone, ANYONE, had told me to expect from growing a baby…

1. That pregnancy “glow”… yeah don’t pin your hopes on that. I’m not convinced it exists. You might get a bit of sweat on your forehead from throwing up… does that count?

2. Speaking of throwing up – don’t celebrate too soon when your morning sickness disappears after the first trimester, it’s lulling you in to a false sense of security so it can sneak back up on you when you least expect it!

3. (TMI alert) Discharge. Oh. My. Days. Sooooooo much discharge. Like seriously, I think my vagina thought if it produced enough the baby would just slip out (so crude, I’m sorry)

4. While we’re talking gross down-there issues… sweat! As if the discharge wasn’t bad enough I had a sweaty crotch for months. At one point I got a sweat rash on my bikini line. That’s how attractive pregnancy made me

5. One more thing… stretch marks. In places that I didn’t even know my body was capable of getting stretch marks. I know no kids like the thought of their mum and dad having sex, but I feel like mine plotted from pre-birth to make sure that this will never happen again 😂

6. Sleep, or rather, the lack of it. I mean COME ON!!! This is a cruel, sick joke! Everyone knows you don’t get to sleep after the baby is born, whhhhhhhhy can’t you just get a good night’s sleep before?! It’s just not fair. And had the added bonus of making me want to punch people who made little jokes about getting my sleep in before baby arrived. Fat chance.

7. Stretch marks… those mofos sneak up on you! Was feeling quite proud of myself at 30weeks, congratulating myself for religiously rubbing my stretch mark cream in morning and night and that it had done the trick. 31 weeks… and BAM 💥 my bump transformed overnight in to a giant tiger roll 🤷🏻‍♀️

8. Baby names are HARD!!! You find one you like and then people think it’s cool to share their opinion on it. Or the fact that they knew someone by that name who they hated. I’m telling you now, it’s ok to slap these people.

9. Heartburn… wow. I meannnnn, I knew to expect it. What I didn’t realise was I needed to expect it when I least expected it. Finally managed to drop off to sleep… perfect time for it! I do NOT miss waking up at 2am with heartburn. Not one bit. Give me the screaming baby to wake me up over this anyday.

10. Heels, used to be my best friend. They became my sworn enemy. I’d been wearing flats, more because I’m clumsy than anything else, but I went out during my third trimester and thought I’d make an effort and put some heels on. Even bought a new, sensible pair for the occasion. Little block heels. Literally felt like someone had smashed my pelvis with a hammer for 2 days after. Damn you Meghan Markle and your public stiletto wearing. I blame you for this.

11. Hair. Sure, everyone tells you about the thick luscious locks you can expect during pregnancy… what they don’t tell you is that they might not necessarily be on your head. I have sprouted some pube rivalling hairs on my chin, bump and nipple. Not exactly the perk I was expecting… tweezers at the ready!

12. While we’re on the topic of body hair – shaving 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 yeah good luck with that. Good news is you may get to the point where you don’t need to bother with trousers soon as your legs are capable of growing their own. And as for the lady garden…

13. Ok, I’m sure I said there would be some good on this list… ummmmm…

14. I know!!! Seeing your little miracle on your 20 weeks scan, looking like a real baby! No words can describe how amazing this is, we found out the gender too and were just completely overwhelmed with love

15. Feeling baby move as your pregnancy progresses just makes everything feel so real! I could literally have sat and watched my bump all day. I was so fascinated by it. As uncomfortable as it was, I miss it so much! 

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