Cry, Eat, Sleep, Repeat

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This pic just sums up my day. This is how grumpy my daughter was when she was ASLEEP!! So you can imagine how joyful she’s been while she was awake!

She was an absolute ANGEL last night – went from 23:30 until 7:10… clearly she feels like she needs to compensate for that today.

She’s started dribbling loads and putting her fists in her mouth. I’m praying she’s not cutting teeth just yet… I don’t think I can cope with that, feel like I need to mentally prepare myself for it and trust me I’m not there yet!

When she’s not been exercising her lungs today she’s been eating or sleeping so not expecting much sleep tonight 😩

Luckily the extra sleep has helped me maintain my sanity today else the little mardy bum would have really stressed me out… bless her!

Just stick a bell on me and call me Daisy!!!

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Figured out that I’m expressing nearly 8litres of milk a week!!! (Not as impressive as it looks – I’m exclusively expressing, my little madam is too greedy and lazy to eat from my boobs… wonder who she gets that from 😂🐽🤷🏻‍♀️)

Anywayyyyy… I read before that you use 20 calories to produce and pump 1oz of breast milk. So by this calculation I SHOULD be burning an extra 750ish calories A DAY… over 5000 extra calories a week!!
So I’m struggling to understand why I’m not a size 10. FML.

On top of the fact that my nipples and boobs seem to have tripled in size, they also hurt, a lot, need emptying ALL THE TIME, they leak all over my clothes and I miss them. Like no one tells you how much you’re gonna miss having your boobs to yourself when you breastfeed!

As I’ve said before, my body definitely isn’t the best – my boobs were my best feature 😂 and now they’re just milk machines 🤷🏻‍♀️ If I hadn’t spent soooo much mo eh on breast pumps I think I’d probably be quitting the expressing to be honest, I can’t see me doing it for much longer after we start weaning Isla.

Absolutely no point to this post, other than to confirm that I am now basically a cow in every sense of the word 🐮

Got a bit carried away!!

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It was my birthday yesterday, and hubby got me a fitbit (I said I wanted one… he’s not THAT brave/stupid)
So today, armed with my Fitbit and Fitbit coach app I did the 7minute workout. Not brave enough to attempt the longer ones yet incase little one starts screaming and then I have an excuse for life to never attempt them again!
Anyway, while I was doing the workout she fell asleep… soooooo… I found an extra workout to do on YouTube! Done a few Lucy Wyndham-Read ones before so thought I’d go with one of them.
Now sweating like an absolute beast, and already regretting it knowing how much I’m gonna hurt tomorrow!
Of course, little one is now wide awake and wants feeding (child has hollow legs, all she does is eat!) so gonna have to sit in my sweaty festering mess for a little while longer 😥
Things I’ve learnt today –
1) I AM as unfit as I suspected
2) Pretty sure they removed my core muscles when they did my c section
3) I’m definitely NOT ready to attempt any form of public exercising
4) I’m really pissed off breastfeeding hasn’t lived up to it’s hype of making me thin – seriously, what is with this diet and exercise bullshit 😂
5) My new boobs and jumping jacks don’t mix well 😰😰😰

Poops… I did it again!

Well… we managed a whole 6 days in the splint without any major disasters! Then yesterday there was a poo explosion 🤦🏻‍♀️ All up her back, splint covered in poo!! And then this morning she’s done her party trick of weeing when I take her nappy off so it’s got soaked 😢 Wiped it down and dried it as best as I can, and literally covered her in talc. Don’t really know what else I can do without removing it which isn’t allowed! I will have to beg for a new one when we take her for a bath on Wednesday and hope they give us one. If not I’m going to buy my own – can’t have her covered in poo!!! Not that Isla is bothered by it at all – cheeky little monkey thinks all toilet related accidents are hilarious!!!

Snuz Cloud ☁️

I’m a sucker for an impulse purchase (like I actually have zero self control) so when the Snuzcloud popped up as an advert on my phone as something I might want, instead of being freaked out that my phone and whoever is listening to my every move knows me better than I do, I went ahead and purchased it 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

All credit to the phone spies as this is definitely one of my better impulse purchases! It’s basically a soft little cloud that has 2 night light settings built in and also the option to play white noise, pink noise (didn’t even know this was a thing), a soft lullaby or the sound of a heartbeat. Isla loves it!

Only downside is, the little red light setting may look cute in the light… but my over active imagination just sees the freaky little doll from Saw when I glance over at it in the dark  🤡

wanna play a game…E5D3396F-BF9E-4F14-A28A-5CC425C7D383

Wedding ready ♥️

So, I got over my sulk, got dressed up (well, as dressed up as you can be in a dress purchased from a garden centre) and we went to the wedding! Only the evening do, but I’m proud we managed that! My little milk monster is feeding constantly in the evenings at the moment so there were some inevitable impatient cries waiting for slow coach mummy to fetch the milk (honestly have the most impatient little madam when it comes to milk!) Other than that it went pretty smoothly (getting ready to leave the house to go to the wedding on the other hand is a completely different story!!). Only drama we had for the evening was the moment my auntie went to pass her back to me and then realised her little Velcro splints we’re attached to my aunties silk dress 😳 luckily it’s frowned upon to hold a grudge against babies 😂

Picture with is with her proud daddy while she was waiting for milk! ♥️

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How long after having a baby is it acceptable to buy maternity wear for… asking for a friend 🤔

Ok, so for anyone who knows me you will know I most definitely do not have a good relationship with my body!! When I got pregnant I told myself I’d be kinder to it and show it the respect it deserves for giving me my little miracle. I didn’t do that… I could make a million excuses for why, but the top and tail of it is I just didn’t try hard enough. I was very inactive throughout my pregnancy and ate shit!

I knew I wasn’t going to snap back in to shape immediately after birth (I mean, me snapping back into shape would be a bloody miracle being as I haven’t been in any shape other than round for about 15years!!) but I wasn’t expecting to feel quite so awful about my postpartum body as I do.

I’m 10.5weeks pp and look about 6months pregnant still. I put 32lb on while I was pregnant, I lost 24lb of it within the first few weeks (might have been water, might be breastfeeding, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️) but that last 8lb looks like about 2stone… and it’s all on my tummy! Doesn’t help that I had a few stone I wanted to shift before I got pregnant anyway.

So despite me telling myself that I wasn’t going to fixate on this, here I am feeling really shitty about life, all my clothes look awful, my boobs are ginormous and my tummy is a car crash!! I desperately need to lather stretch mark cream on it… I simply can’t bring myself to look at it for long enough though!

So in true Becki fashion, what I’ve done about this is comfort eat and feel generally sorry for myself. I’ve made excuses as to why I can’t do anything about it (c-section recovery, I struggle to get showered and dressed, getting out the house is impossible, I don’t have time to cook… blah, blah, blah!) Anyway, in my height of feeling sorry for myself I posted asking for advice and rather than give me the sympathy I was fishing for people did actually give me advice (damn you 😂😂😂). Things like – shower at night, go for a walk after the first morning feed, there are some great 7minute workouts on YouTube, etc…

I’m at a the evening do for a family wedding tonight, and have been so close to not going because I have nothing to wear. I genuinely bought a dress from a GARDEN CENTRE yesterday and that’s what I’ll be wearing tonight… I ordered a shit load of clothes from ASOS as soon as I got home to try and balance this out, but pretty much all of them look shit (apart from one dress, which I’ll admit, is from their maternity range… 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Soooooo today I bit the bullet and tried a 7minute workout. My first workout, may I add in ohhhh… 11months? Maybe 12! I stuck Isla in her bath seat (gets bored on her playmat pretty much immediately but will sit for longer in her bath seat… go figure!) and put a 7minute workout on. Now, I didn’t die. Isla DID start crying, but after watching her mummy flail her arms and legs about, huff, puff, pant and sweat, she decided this was hilarious and that I had significantly more to cry about than she did! She even let me have a shower and wash my hair after!

So now I know I can do it I can’t really use those excuses on myself anymore. And if I buy any more dresses from garden centres my best mate has told me in no uncertain terms that she’ll disown me! So I guess I need to do a few more.

(PS even though the dress probably is intended for the more mature lady I genuinely think it’s pretty!)

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